“Mirror mirror on the wall
Who’s the ugliest of them all?
Mirror mirror on the wall
Surely, the fattest amongst them”
And then the mocking laughter of skinny high school girls followed.
That was the chorus the legion of girls gathered at the school’s bathroom would always sing whenever I stood by the mirror staring at the awful, fleshly-without-any trend, sad soul that I have become.
Okay, that was exaggerated. I have always been fleshly in every direction.
I grew up sucking my tummy in, so my classmates wouldn’t remind me of how flabby they were. I grew up accustomed to the name “FAT” so you can call it my middle name. I was scared of trying new clothes on because I believed they wouldn’t fit anyway.
Nobody, I mean, nobody liked being seen with me. Really, who wants to be friends with a person who don’t belong? I was trapped down by people. Called names by them. Hated myself for being so fat.
People who tried to be nice would call me beautiful when I wear the crown of a mess so well. I am tired of living. It takes effort to breathe and not wish to break. It takes effort to feed and not retch after. Right now, I still avoid the mirror. I still don’t have friends. I still hate myself.
Students in blue and white uniform scuttling all-around at 9 am on Monday morning only meant one thing. Test results are out. I clutched my school bag tightly and slowly walked to the classroom. Noises and gentle whispers flew around as everyone tried to see what their results were.
‘Micheal’ The teacher called out my name in a very stern manner.
‘Ma’ I managed to mumble a reply.
‘Come to my table and get your results’ She said.
My legs were wobbling even as I stood beside the teacher’s table waiting for the results. Finally, after what seemed like ages to me, she handed me a white file. I thanked her and turned to take my leave.
‘Come back here mister, don’t you want to tell us what your test results says?’ Oh wow. Something is definitely wrong!
‘Ermm.. should I?’
“Yes you should, everyone already did.”
Shivering, I opened the file and saw my results. All Fs. Why wasn’t I even surprised? This won’t be the first time.
All eyes were on me at that moment. Everybody wanted to know what Michael’s results were. Maybe because everyone knew me better than to expect something praiseworthy or commending. Their eyes held embarrassment in them.
“It isn’t good ma” I finally said to the teacher.
“Alright, you may go now” she said, shaking her head in disappointment.
Dragging my feet with me, I walked to my seat and watched my small world crumbling.
My name is Melody and I’m the girl you see on the billboard of my school and on the billboard of the only active basketball team in town. I’m the 14-year-old 6ft tall, dark-skinned(more like black) girl.
I’m the youngest yet the tallest among my colleagues.
You see, people love me, or at least, they say so when they need me. Need me to play a game on the basketball court because, for a tall girl like me, basketball should be my calling. Need me to shine my 32s and model for the school even when the photographer is looking at me with prying eyes and so much scepticism, wondering how I could be that tall.
I’ve been tired of my life since I was old enough to know how abnormal I am. I couldn’t sing in children carols because I looked like every one of the kid’s elder sister. Couldn’t attend Kindergarten because the teachers doubted my age. No normal toddler was supposed to be that tall.
I couldn’t attend school parties with a date because it somehow deflates the ego of boys to be the short boyfriend to the tall girl and a girl who looked like what the world was before God said ‘Let there be light’
You see, I don’t hate myself anymore. I’ve done more than enough in the past.
But I blame myself. I blame my parents for providing such genes and creating a baby monster(not my words, but one of my notorious classmate) I blame my teachers for being so sceptical. And I blame my colleagues for letting my colour and my height obstruct them from seeing my good heart.
FINDING YOUR IDENTITY IN CHRIST.
3 people, 3 different stories. 1 major crises.
Identity. The question of “Who am I?”
Naturally, when we get asked this question, the first way to respond is to say our names, probably brag a little about our success, our jobs, our titles and achievements.
So what happens when we don’t meet up to the standards that society has created? When we don’t fit into people’s opinion of us? When society calls you the opposite of beautiful? When they make you feel less accepted and loved because of something that you can’t change? What happens to us then?
We begin to create a new name for ourselves. We begin to lose sight of who we are in order to fit into the opinions of other people.
Your identity is not defined by society neither is it defined by your personality or bodily features. It isn’t defined by your achievements or success story. Your true identity comes from just one source; God.
The moment you come to know God and genuinely believe in Him, you’ve been given a new identity. A new name.
Only the manufacturer of a product can know the intricacies of such a product. So also, only God, the creator of everything that has breath, can know the details and exquisiteness of such creation.
And here’s the wonderful news! God knows you! He knows every bit of you and He named you right when He made you. But do you know who you are?
When you look in the mirror and think you’re ugly, do you know that He calls you beautiful?
When you look at your exam grade and see a big fat zero, do you know that He still calls you a success?
When you think nobody likes you, do you know just how much He loves you?
When you see yourself as a mess, do you know that He calls you His masterpiece?
You are a Child of God.
You’re Incredibly Loved by God.
You’re Free from any Condemnation.
You’re Enough in Christ.
You’re Completely Forgiven.
You’re seen as Holy and Whole in the Father’s eyes.
You’re Made Alive in Christ.
You have Access to the Father.
You’re Blameless and Completely Without Reproach.
You’re Never a Failure for you have the Mind of God.
You can do ALL things Through Christ Who Strengthens you.
Still in doubts of who you are? Go over these lists and many more in the Bible (I’d strongly recommend you read Ephesians chapter 1)
Believe them with your whole heart. Confess them daily. Know these and know peace. Know these and know freedom. Know these and know who you are in Christ Jesus.
The one He knew was worth dying for.❤️❤️